If there is one thing that can damage your health and wellness journey it is the “fuck-it” mentality. It’s that nasty little voice that tells you that since you went off track with one part of your journey that you’re sunk, and the journey is ruined. It tells you that you might as well give up. Have you ever had an experience like this? A time you started a path to health and then threw in the towel because you went off track for a day? It is VERY common and something I still struggle with!
This is an actual journal entry from my 21-day challenge back in October 2020. The challenge was to devise a “health routine” and commit to it for 21 days. The idea is that you can form new habits, (and drop not-helpful habits) in 21 days.
Part of the challenge is self-reflection and calling yourself on your own bullshit, the term used is radical honesty- and it can be highly effective when you are willing to accept the criticism as constructive.
10/21/20
That “fuck-it” mentality
“Here’s a summary on today: I was able to make mindful choices in the a.m. I made my smoothie, I did a couple of things on my to do-list, but in the back of my mind, I was feeling a little lazy, or maybe tired and I was subconsciously creating excuses for when I fail at x..y..z. As the day went forward a little of my spunk is gone, I’ve entertained my shadow self; not worthy of keeping a promise to myself, getting more stuck by the moment in my negativity: I skipped yoga. By lunchtime, since I skipped yoga I felt a little ashamed and was still stuck, so I indulged in some comfort food, (a sure sign I’m numbing something). As the day now winds down- I’m hurting from the bad food choices and inactivity, (literally, the gluten and sugar make my body physically hurt in the form of gastrointestinal distress and achy joints). My physical body hurts, my mental body hurts because I feel yucky for going against my better self’s knowing. But I already chose: fuck-it. I’m all-in. And currently I’m thinking of ways to continue to numb the pain with something equally unhealthy, maybe alcohol, maybe more food. Picking my poison is never the problem, stopping the snow-ball effect of negativity is the real struggle- and that is the essence of the “Fuck-it” mentality with which I struggle.”
That journal entry kept me from self-medicating and continuing the “fuck-it” cycle. Because part of my wellness journey included journaling each night after my kids went to bed, I was able to have self-reflection. This radical honesty in my journal entry was enough to snap be back into a NOW mindset rather than keep up the old conditioning that led me to this place to begin with.
I was hoping to be strong enough to share that at some point- and thankful that today is that day. I’ve struggled with the fuck-it mentality for forever. And the first time it was brought to my consciousness awareness was when I had my own life coach back in 2018/2019. She shined the light on it, and I started the work. Here are the cliff notes on how I learned to how to break my “fuck-it” cycle:
SHAME IS THE ENEMY
Some days, I cannot do it all. Because I set a high standard for myself, if I come a little short- it’s really not a big deal. The problem is me hating on myself for not reaching that “goal”. The goal is fluid- the goal is a generalization for my idea of a healthy lifestyle. The goal of the goal is to be mindful of choices- being aware = living in the NOW.
So, breaking-it-down looks like: As a rule, doing my yoga makes me feel better and BE better also. But sometimes we need a break. Some days my body needs to relax and recover. And if I don’t do yoga ONE day- that is O.K. It does not mean I abandon all my other good intentions. It does not mean I am not worthy of keeping up my other good habits. The “fuck-it” mentality is bred from stacking poor choices and coupling them with shame. If you drop any of them, it cannot exist. If I break the pattern here- I still win.
Even if I keep up the fuck-it mentality and opt for the comfort foods, I can still stop the pattern by not shaming myself for it. Acknowledging that today is an off-day, and that I have mental resistance to my goal is helpful. Instead of avoiding the issue, pushing it away, ignoring it or self-medicating with destructive choices- THINK about it, process what is happening- do not live on autopilot trapped in your past conditioning! Your mind and body are connected.
You never want to get trapped into a thoughtless pattern. If you’re finding a lot of mental resistance to any of the steps in your wellness journey- stop and evaluate. Use that problem-solving organ you’re given! Change will often incur natural mental resistance- your brain likes to keep you locked in patterns, so it knows what to expect, even if that pattern in unhealthy. So, THINKING about the issue, letting our mind roll over the resistance can help you get through it. Listen to your inner self and it will tell you where the hang up is. If you do not listen- it is easy for that “fuck-it” mentality to rear.
START TOMORROW ANEW
Some days are just not great. Maybe the “fuck-it” mentality rears or you’ve just had a hard time with mental resistance toward your goal- it’s OK to dive back in tomorrow! Do not shame yourself (remember? It’s the enemy!). Just be mindful and confident in your choice. As long as you are DECIDING that you are going to pause and revisit tomorrow- you’re golden. It’s the thoughtless pattern that you do not want to get locked into. It’s about loving yourself and respecting yourself to know that once in a while you need a break and that is OKAY! With a little reflection, you can get right back into it tomorrow.
SPEAK TO YOURSELF WITH RESPECT AND LOVE
No matter what part of the journey you are on- it is essential that the voice in your head is kind. It is just as damaging to hear yourself talk crap- to yourself- as it is to hear it from someone else. If you get into a “fuck-it” cycle, gently remind yourself this isn’t part of your goal. No matter what- badgering and shaming are not the answer and can potentially lead to deepening the “fuck-it” cycle. IF you do find yourself being hard on yourself- literally say to yourself: “This is not helpful, and this is not part of my goal. I will NOT badger myself, I WILL revisit my goal after reflection.” Give yourself permission to process this life. Never has there been a time so dependent on instant gratification as now- clear that mindset- recognize it is not helpful or constructive to be hateful to yourself. Speak to yourself like you would a young child, with kindness and empathy. Change is hard and so is reconditioning. Being gentle will get you much further than being overtly self-critical.
The “fuck-it” mentality is nothing new. Anyone who has tried to get into a new habit or routine has likely encountered that mental resistance that comes from doing something new. The brain likes to keep us trapped in old routines so that it knows what to expect-even of that routine isn’t the healthiest or best for us. Having time to reflect on what your goals are is especially important. If you do fall short of a goal, DO NOT shame yourself for this! Instead, be curious with yourself and gentle- reflect on the how and why of the mental resistance. This gives you a chance to get in touch with your inner self- and can help you succeed. It is ok to start again tomorrow and adjust your new routine with something that feels better overall. Breaking the pattern of the “fuck-it” mentality includes not stacking poor choices and then not shaming yourself for it. Take back your power! You can do anything you put your mind to. And never forget, you are worthy of a healthy life.
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